"Quick, Marge -- get the spackle knife!"
So my friend Renee and I were asked to speak as part of a parent panel, by the surprisingly nice people at FOXNews. Yeah, I know -- weird, right? I found it surreal on many levels.But it was also most excellently fun. People, dig us -- we actually waited in the green room! We walked through the newsroom on our way to the studio where the taping took place, and I really wanted to see a TV monitor on someone's desk tuned into the E! entertainment network (Oscar night, people! Why wasn't someone checking out the red carpet?!). But no -- everyone' monitors were dutifully tuned into FOXNews. Lame . . . .
Our discussion was moderated by Shannon Bream, who did her best to seem like a normal woman of average beauty, instead of a gorgeous, shimmering angel/fairy-person. She's smarter than you think she is.
But really, I mostly wanted to tell you about my experience in the make-up chair. I mean, let's be real; I was absolutely feeling a total Diane Sawyer/Annette Bening vibe coming off of myself -- except without the fabulous career in journalism or acting, and lacking the stunning beauty part, but whatever. So the whole make-up chair scene obviously stroked my vanity.However . . . while Renee (she of the porcelain skin and naturally curly hair) was dismissed after a brief encounter with a foundation sponge, eyeliner, and a light dusting of powder, I -- and I swear I am not making this up -- was spray-painted, plucked, concealed, and spackled within an inch of my life. I swear to you, the woman used an air brush on me -- the kind boardwalk vendors use on cheesy T-shirts.
The make-up babe clearly felt that she needed to provide quite a bit of assistance. At one point she asked me if I had ever heard of lip balm. I do not think she was complimenting me. My hair was curled, back-combed and sprayed -- and all the while the hard-working artist was ever so slightly shaking her head.
Do you think that ever happens to Diane Sawyer?
If you want to see the
Image credits:
Artist at work: R. Brock 2010
Shannon Bream: courtesy of FOXNews 2009